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(no subject) [Oct. 8th, 2012|03:42 pm]
"Hello, ~Drama~"

I wave to you knowing that maybe that is safer than ignoring, until the elephant in the room can't be ignored ~

that being said, I'm another one of those people who holds some distance from the puppet that is their body, until something real happens when it can't be ignored ~~
that could be every day, or that could be every few years ..

With time and with age, everything gets closer and more real ... snd actually feel a relief at this .. more security in my place in the world and what it is, being grounded .. if anything, my fear of power (my own) wasn't terribly far in amount from what the world could do ..

Anyway (on another subject), am wondering about editing this old profile .. I never did (and never) will relate to the phrase "lowest common denominator' except in some kind of an ironic "oh, relax!!" kind of a way !!!
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(no subject) [Aug. 10th, 2012|08:04 am]
there's nothing like literally being away from your journal for awhile, then realizing over a year later, that you've forgotten your password ~ and were thinking about canceling it, or turning all (or @ least most) entries to either "private," or "friends only" ~

anyway, yesterday, I remembered the password .. memories aren't always what they used to be. I do want to keep up w/my lj friends, more than I have, and have on-and-off been missing a forum to write which is more involved and intimate than facebook ~ I do have friends on "blogspot" and "wordpress" (amongst others), and know that there are ways to merge ..

or, alternatively, to have a more private facebook account (I know, there's filtering (as to who reads what), but that sounds like too much work, and I don't trust the security ~ unintended readers are less likely to bother an account that they don't know exists

anyway .. the point is, lj had not been forgotten


And, lj friends, feel free to contact me. in the real world (and in facebook, etc) as well ..

I'd love to do some catching up with you ..
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Writer's Block: Timeless tales [Jan. 23rd, 2011|02:57 am]

What were your favorite books as a child, and why?

As a young child?
The Oz books, by L. Frank Baum.
They contained maps of the Oz Kingdoms, theor various terrirorories and neighbors, as well as thr "Deadly Desert" surrounding it ..
There were scary and fantastic creatres, all kinds of worlds and creative beings ~ talking animals, flying monkeys, ageless queens, robots and other conscious (and consciously - created) contraptions, too - and girls were often the protaganists and the rulers ~ but, villians (stmathetic or not) too, @ times .. this world was creative (endlessly!), fantastic, and yet relatable somehow.

A world of limitless possibilities, and yet in a child's context~ a good friend, lately, has said that he thought that these books were condescending to the readers, but these books were written for children, and I read them as a child - from the ages of about 7-9. As an adult, one might feel differently about them, but (remember, again!!) these nbooks were not primarily intended for an adult audience.
L. Frank Baum's series' have continued in the century past his death (asnd are largely collected @ Books of Wonder, the amazing children's book store in NYC, relatively close to Union Square - on 18th street, I think - w/a wonderful (and yummy!!!) cupcake place next door!!)
I haven't been able to muster up too much interest in post-Baum Oz lit (from any era!) but that is entirely possible that, as they were out of print until the mid-late 1980's @ least, that by the time that they were available (again) I had become simply too old for them.

However, Books of Wonder has lots of cool stuff, from children's stuff to mythology to children's artwork collections to antique (1800's- 1900s) lit. to young adult - so, whoever you are, go if you can !!
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(no subject) [Dec. 10th, 2010|10:54 pm]
I haven't been writing in here lately for the usual reasons .. being busy, not having a computer @ home right now, and being on facebook more often .. but might just open more facebook accounts, to filter what is said to whom .. I appreciate all of thios networking, but need to take more time out for privacy, art (don't jinx this!!) and self-maintenance, as cliche as all of that sounds ..
on pay-internet now, but will wrote more later
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So.. on the subject of age-appropriate... [Sep. 26th, 2010|03:22 pm]
Should I now take up embroidery, listen more (+ am automatically, of course, more qualified to dispense advice?), craft + cook more, decide once-and-for all whether to start a family or to be a "maiden-aunt"?
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Writer's Block: Kanye West's Tweet Apology [Sep. 12th, 2010|02:54 pm]
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How do you feel about Kanye West admitting his past mistakes and apologizing to Taylor Swift on Twitter? Is he trying to win hearts back?

Shouldn't we worry about our own past (mistakes and judgements in error), rather than casting judgement upon Kanye West?
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Writer's Block: One Thing I Did [Aug. 11th, 2010|01:30 am]
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What is one thing in life your friends said you could/would never do, but you did it anyway?

One would think that one's true friends'd support you, in whatever you wanted to do (which is different than what they think you'd do; okay!!)

I've gotten into trouble in ways that people wouldn't've suspected, but that isn't the issue here.

Well, I've certainly connected/reconnected w/ friends, relationships, and people where we'd had schisms, where others wouldn't have though that that would happen, but it took work .. I don't know if I'd do that again, put the time and energy and compromise to schisms (that occur for a reason) even though they break my heart

I was called "ugly" as a child (and sometimes later), am short, a caucasian brunette, over thirty, semitically featured, and not anorexic, but have done some glamour, catalog, and even (occasionally) runway modeling, and when acting (even since high school!) have always been cast in a "pretty girl" kind of a part .. this is something that people hadn't suspected, and sometimes raise eyebrows to, and react, "You?!?" even now.

In terms of art modeling, some people still can't believe in the nudity, or the "staying still" parts, on my part.

My own Mom, before my college graduation, sent me a letter (along with some money) telling me that she couldn't believe that I could really do it.

In terms of college, yeah .. writing paers immediately before they were due (constantly!) and usually doing very well on them, creating a yearbook for a college that would not last out a year, twenty years of being non-athletic, and then becoming (basically) athletic .. these were things that people didn't believe (or encourage) could be done.

Yeah; dating my first teacher-crush. That happened (although, technically, nobody said "you couldn't," other than the scruples that were raging about both their and my head, and both of our (come on; never pristine!!) reputations) ..
Anyway; that didn't happen until about a year after my last class w/them was over, and when the crush started, I was 31, this person was 43 (maybe May-December, but not impossibly so!!) and we were more than capable (actually, incapable of not) carrying on mutually challenging conversations w/ each other. And we still are. It's been 5-6 yrs ;)

Oh, and Saturday, I hiked or 11 miles, climbing up rocks, entitled "Humpty Dumpty's Path," relying upon others' headlights in caves, climbing up vines and treestumps, with a fractured toe, and wearing non-sandals for the first time since the fracture .. Nobody said that it couldn't be done, but I was thinking of canceling it (for that reason) myself .. another hiker said that the endorphins of movement cause one not to focus upon the pain, and perhaps he was right.

Sometimes we need to step out of ourselves, to realize that we can take care of ourselves, that we can become somebody else (at least in our outward images), that we shouldn't listen to limitations (even to what we are told about science, physics, the universe, etc .. It can all be disproven ;)

I am not saying leap blindly, but find a path.

I though that I would be writing a "negative entry" tonight, but somehow this entry managed to come to a place that I'd always wanted to come to, where hurt and disappointment (and even "one's own issues," or miscommunication) can be transcended .. It all comes to one's own ends

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(no subject) [Jul. 21st, 2010|10:28 am]
It would probably be better .. not to be redundant, but am still working, caretaking, modeling, and spending precious time w/friends (not enough, or w/family) .. pretty peaceful, considering how turbulent things can get ..
I don't take anything for granted, including a lack-of-conflict!
The summer is a time to get creative about jobs (for the self-employed, job-creativity is a game!! If you like it (knock on wood) A woman who works for Google is posing me w/patterns and photographs (double exposures upon a screen ;)
I am liking to visit "caretake for" the 87-year-old, but I think that in truth, he does more caretaking of me - he's concerned about my stress, lack of sleep, "always running around" (which he'll admit that he did for over forty years!!) and broken pinkie toe ..
He repeats stories and news, but that's okay .. not boring by any means ~ and tells a lot of stories about old NYC ~ my parents and grandparents all had children in their thirties, and so all of them have stories going "relatively" far back ~ when one's parents are of a definitively olde-fashioned generation, even for the times .. I used to resent this, and want to have "cooler parents," but I realize (as the years go on) that not many people's parents have so many stories and memories to tell ..

The point is that my parents were born @ the end of the Depression, the grandparents worked their whole way through it (as children of immigrants who were discriminated against because of their race), and the 87-year-old has been through the same, so their ways of "not wasting anything" are very familiar to me.

It's kind of funny .. somebody who was five years younger than me (trust me, not in and of itself much of an age difference) made a (im) comment last night about my post being "culturally beyond) ..

But then I'm old fashioned stylistically, and manage to seem young.

I like the idea of being an old lady
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(no subject) [Jun. 28th, 2010|04:40 pm]
Everything's basically okay ..

I'm continuing to work a lot this summer, which feels "stabilzing" only "not-good" in the fact that there is a lot to resolve both in terms of "creating one's own stuff" and talking things out w/people (let's not even talk of "cleaning up," and "reclaiming stuff from last year's taxes" ;)

I have had a few friends mention that I seem "sad" since (around this time @ ) last year .. A few deaths and breakups can do this w/ a person, so it's not even about feeling apologetic, not wanting to make the "grief process" into something that it's not ..

It's feeling like the Summer of Platonic Love (and that's the best that I can do) in terms of other people, whether they are actively in my life or not .. and that's a positive thing.

the grief, the mourning will surely pass, but feeling good about others, and about the potential of everything around oneself

That might last, or at least allow for entry into a forseeable future.

can talk more about the details later

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(no subject) [May. 27th, 2010|01:33 am]
You can feel the volume of the hot air, swim through it .. It feels better to be acknowledged by the hot air, rather than that everybody is (unacknowledgedly!) speaking it

"Summer in the City"

I always felt that it got friendlier w/the heat, now that we feel less of an impulse to run into the nearest available cage to hide from the hostile, biting air..

Northeast weather can be so fickle..

A year ago, it seemed as though relationships, friendships, family and work were in somwhat of a stable if (an imperfect) place .. a dynamic equalibrium of change, but the friendships, relationships & types of work hadn't really changed (in years).

And, w/the knowledge that change is inevitable, I took a graduate course out-of-state, flirted w/somebody @ a party (w/out my usual circle of friends) that I wouldn't normally have attended..

And, then, found (upon coming back into state) that my grandmother was in the hospital. and she would never be walking regularly, or having the regular kinds of conversations that we used to, ever again ..

Another friend became distant over that summer, and it didn't help that I was so frequently out of town ..

a relationship (of sorts) came out of the "bodypainting party"'s
flirtation, which created fun, some chaos, and a schism w/another longterm friend, one which may not (amd need not) come together, ever, ever again

A breakup occurred.

Friends coming and going

An economy where it seems less people (in my life) are employed than are not .. More cause for tension, for "underground jobs" and even more people making comments about the "modeling" thing, b/c it seems as though those w/tenuous (or no) employment .. or intrigue .. tend to be the ones who gripe about other people's jobs, the most ..

Anyway, have been a "part-time companion to an 87-year-old lately, who has been telling me more and more stories about life, and about the changes in in the lower east side, while always taking me out to lunch, and advising me to "stay only around good people."

There is also a new roommate in the house.

She's cute, but she asks me whether I'm "naked" at work, and says I "seem tooo femme" to be a lesbian.

Umm, she's cute (and all of that) but I am not quite ready yet to be a "teacher of the world 101" as they say..
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